Tag Archive for 'Transforming Conflict at Work'

Planning for Healthy Dialogue …Not a Debate

Create a conscious plan for an important conversation that is already on your calendar. Or think of an important work relationship that you could improve with a good dialogue.

Dialogue Checklist

  1. What is my true purpose for wanting this conversation?
  2. How would I describe our current work relationship?
  3. How would I like to us improve it? Why is this important to me?
  4. Am I willing to really listen to this person, with an open mind?
  5. How am I curious about this person’s ideas and their experience of the work? The experience of working with me?
  6. On a scale of one to ten, how much do I trust this person at this time?
  7. On a scale of one to ten, how much can this person trust me?
  8. What do I need to share with them about me that could improve our work relationship? What am I willing to share about me as a person?
  9. Am I as open to being influenced by what they say as I am interested in persuading them?
  10. What else do I need to plan in order to make this a effective conversation?
    Timing? Neutral, mutually agreeable setting? Anything else?

Published on Sunday February 22, 2009 in Emotional Intelligence at Work. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , , .

Do You Debate & Discuss When What You Really Need Is to Dialogue?

A while back, a company brought me in to facilitate a dialogue. They were very concerned about a conflict that had been brewing literally for several years. It finally reached a peak and could no longer be ignored. It was not going to go away. It was only getting worse.

So I worked with the sponsor and the committee to clarify the issue, the needs and the goals. My strategy for guiding clients through conflict to cooperation combines self-reflection (the waking up element), skills development as well as the actual conversation(s).

I met separately with each group. The students on one hand and the staff and faculty on the other. During the periods of self-reflection, it became clear to the students that although they were said they wanted dialogue, deep down inside they wanted to win—to “nail” the faculty and staff by blaming them and showing them how “wrong” they were.

The faculty and staff also had a chance to privately uncover their own “deeply hidden agendas.” They realized that one of the reasons they had put off the conversation for so long was because they were afraid they would be “attacked” by the students. They were afraid of being labeled and ostracized as prejudiced and bad.

Both sides were asking for dialogue. Both sides had been preparing for verbal war. They realized they needed true dialogue. What they were initially planning for, unconsciously, was a fierce debate.

Published on Monday August 18, 2008 in Transforming Conflict at Work. 0 Comments Tags: , , .