It is said that a large percentage of heart attacks happen on Monday mornings. I wouldn’t be surprised. In my many years of coaching and consulting in organizations, I often hear people speak of their work experience as if they are in a war-zone.
A war-like mentality causes people to struggle against those they should be cooperating with. Everyone becomes “the enemy.” For example, some salespeople think of customers as people they “target.” They can get angry at these “targets” when they don’t buy and “waste” the salesperson’s time. Does anyone in your workplace feel as if they are “under siege?” Do you make decisions in terms of “which battles to fight?” How do you feel on Monday mornings?
“Tell me Edree. Does a senior manager in high tech really need to know how someone feels?”
What a great question and an obvious challenge. His tone was friendly, but with a definite “prove it” sort of feel to it. All eyes were on me. Especially because I am an “immigrant” to the technology world, I had to meet this challenge.
I smiled in secret gratitude for the perfect answer that had come to me just two days ago on the web.
“That’s a good question, _____.” The truth is I really don’t know.But what I do know is that MIT and other organizations are developing computers that can read and respond supportively to the emotions of the user, particularly the challenging emotions like frustration. I can say that it is clearly important for computers to know how people feel. Whether, it is important for managers in tech companies—-you’ll have to decide.”
Yes, the answer was a bit flippant, but it went over well. They laughed and seemed to pay closer attention.
But now I have the time to offer a more complete response. I will share it with you as well as with them.
Here are three reasons why it is not only necessary but crucial for senior managers as well as other leaders and employees in technology to develop greater Emotional Intelligence (which includes, but is much more that knowing how someone feels): 1. Neuro-scientists have determined that emotions heavily influence all our decisions and actions. 2. Emotions are a clue to what’s going on with the other person. 3. Challenging emotions, when ignored, can cause great chaos in the workplace.
What would you have said to the manager?
The complementary actions of apology and forgiveness are profound. They accelerate the journey from conflict to cooperation by transforming the energy of negative emotions. Know you may need help with this. Start to gently use these powerful tools by applying them to conflict at your workplace.
Exercise #1
Listen respectfully next time a colleague or client tells a story of a past or existing workplace pain. If you truly feel sorry that they have had this painful experience, tell them. If appropriate, apologize on behalf of the organization, the profession. Or just as a fellow human being.
Exercise #2
Find a way to forgive (let go of the feelings that eat you up) anyone from your past or present work situation. This does not mean that you should excuse what they did or place condone the actions. Get a coach, advisor, therapist or trusted friend to help you do this.
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