I was working with a client group of about a dozen members of a senior management team. The chief executive wanted the team to explore interpersonal issues from an appreciative perspective. In other words, he wanted them to focus on what was already working so they could build on it. So, instead of talking about what was wrong or missing, I had them remember a time when they had a very positive interaction at work.
I wish you could have been there to see how they lit up as they shared that positive experience with a partner. Their faces smiled and their voices became more animated as they tapped the interpersonal skills and wisdom that they already had. I could feel the energy of the room lifting and lightening up.
The next step was to identify the elements—the things that were said and done to make those remembered interactions so positive. As we listed those strengths, they become even more encouraged, until one manager burst the good mood “bubble.” He asked me “If we are always thinking about the positive, how will we know that our perspective is balanced?”
“I will address that in a moment,” I said, “but first I have a couple of questions for you. “ How many combined years of experience have you had in this industry?”
They agreed that we were talking about at least 300 years of experience in the room.
“Second, how much of the time has been spent focusing on the negative?”
They discussed it for a couple of minutes and agreed that they focused on the negative about 98% of the time.
“My last question is, in the 98% of 300 years, how many times did anyone ask the question ‘Is our perspective balanced?” That is an emotional intelligence capacity–the ability to uplift yourself and others.
They looked at each other, reflecting individually at first and agreed…..”never!”
If you have anywhere near a similar experience, you have a lot of room to focus on the positive and constructive.
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