Tag Archive for 'conflict at work'

Workplace War is Stressful

It is said that a large percentage of heart attacks happen on Monday mornings.  I wouldn’t be surprised. In my many years of coaching and consulting in organizations, I often hear people speak of their work experience as if they are in a war-zone.

A war-like mentality causes people to struggle against those they should be cooperating with. Everyone becomes “the enemy.”  For example, some salespeople think of customers as people they “target.”  They can get angry at these “targets” when they don’t buy and “waste” the salesperson’s time.  Does anyone in your workplace feel as if they are “under siege?” Do you make decisions in terms of “which battles to fight?”   How do you feel on Monday mornings?

Miscommunication Happens

Behavioral science“technologists” have been using such concepts as encoding, decoding, transmitting and “noise” to explain human communication for several decades. This model may be familiar to you.  It views communication as a linear act.  It states that communication begins with an intention, encoded into a message by a sender, decoded by the receiver.  What the receiver decodes produces a result–a reaction or response.

 This model is useful in understanding how easy it is for humans to miscommunicate.  Humans communicate primarily through words and non-verbal actions.  The entire process is filled with filters of perception, interpretation and reactions based on memories.  Not to mention individual and cultural differences in meanings surrounding the words—as well as entirely different language systems.

This linear model has it’s limitations. We will explore other models in future posts.  However, it can very useful for technology engineers, developers, testers and managers to better understand how easy and common it is to misunderstand each other. It is also a useful tool for self-awareness and self-leadership. 

Application Exercise:

Think of a recent communication (f2f or electronic) where you misunderstood someone or they didn’t “get” what you were attempting to convey.  Think about what your intentions were—what you meant to encode into your communication.  Now, remember what results you got.  Here are three steps that may help you have a better result next time:

         1.  Imagine what filters (personality, culture, values belief systems, history) may have influence them to “hear” something different than you meant.

         2.  Even better, with a genuine curiosity, non- defensively asked them what they thought you meant by what you said/wrote.  (Yes, some call this paraphrasing.)

 You may be amazed how often we humans leave a conversation as if each person was in a different conversation.  I’m interested in your thoughts and experience with the          exercise.

 

Release Those Negative Emotions

The complementary actions of apology and forgiveness are profound. They accelerate the journey from conflict to cooperation by transforming the energy of negative emotions. Know you may need help with this. Start to gently use these powerful tools by applying them to conflict at your workplace.

Exercise #1

Listen respectfully next time a colleague or client tells a story of a past or existing workplace pain. If you truly feel sorry that they have had this painful experience, tell them. If appropriate, apologize on behalf of the organization, the profession. Or just as a fellow human being.

Exercise #2

Find a way to forgive (let go of the feelings that eat you up) anyone from your past or present work situation. This does not mean that you should excuse what they did or place condone the actions. Get a coach, advisor, therapist or trusted friend to help you do this.