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Emotional Intelligence and Technology Smarts–Compatible?

“Tell me Edree.  Does a senior manager in high tech really need to know how someone feels?”

What a great question and an obvious challenge.  His tone was friendly, but with a definite “prove it” sort of feel to it.  All eyes were on me.  Especially because I am an “immigrant” to the technology world, I had to meet this challenge.

 I smiled in secret gratitude for the perfect answer that had come to me just two days ago on the web.

 “That’s a good question, _____.” The truth is I really don’t know.But what I do know is that MIT and other organizations are developing computers that can read and respond supportively to the emotions of the user, particularly the challenging emotions like frustration.  I can say that it is clearly important for computers to know how people feel.  Whether, it is important for managers in tech companies—-you’ll have to decide.”

 Yes, the answer was a bit flippant, but it went over well.  They laughed and seemed to pay closer attention.

But now I have the time to offer a more complete response.  I will share it with you as well as with them. 

Here are three reasons why it is not only necessary but crucial for senior managers as well as other leaders and employees in technology to develop greater Emotional Intelligence (which includes, but is much more that knowing how someone feels):  1.  Neuro-scientists have determined that emotions heavily influence all our decisions and actions.  2. Emotions are a clue to what’s going on with the other person.  3. Challenging emotions, when ignored, can cause great chaos in the workplace.

What would you have said to the manager?


Published on Thursday June 11, 2009 in Soft Skills for Tech Leaders. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , , , .

Miscommunication Happens

Behavioral science“technologists” have been using such concepts as encoding, decoding, transmitting and “noise” to explain human communication for several decades. This model may be familiar to you.  It views communication as a linear act.  It states that communication begins with an intention, encoded into a message by a sender, decoded by the receiver.  What the receiver decodes produces a result–a reaction or response.

 This model is useful in understanding how easy it is for humans to miscommunicate.  Humans communicate primarily through words and non-verbal actions.  The entire process is filled with filters of perception, interpretation and reactions based on memories.  Not to mention individual and cultural differences in meanings surrounding the words—as well as entirely different language systems.

This linear model has it’s limitations. We will explore other models in future posts.  However, it can very useful for technology engineers, developers, testers and managers to better understand how easy and common it is to misunderstand each other. It is also a useful tool for self-awareness and self-leadership. 

Application Exercise:

Think of a recent communication (f2f or electronic) where you misunderstood someone or they didn’t “get” what you were attempting to convey.  Think about what your intentions were—what you meant to encode into your communication.  Now, remember what results you got.  Here are three steps that may help you have a better result next time:

         1.  Imagine what filters (personality, culture, values belief systems, history) may have influence them to “hear” something different than you meant.

         2.  Even better, with a genuine curiosity, non- defensively asked them what they thought you meant by what you said/wrote.  (Yes, some call this paraphrasing.)

 You may be amazed how often we humans leave a conversation as if each person was in a different conversation.  I’m interested in your thoughts and experience with the          exercise.

 

Published on Wednesday March 11, 2009 in Emotional Intelligence at Work, Soft Skills for Tech Leaders and Transforming Conflict at Work. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Planning for Healthy Dialogue …Not a Debate

Create a conscious plan for an important conversation that is already on your calendar. Or think of an important work relationship that you could improve with a good dialogue.

Dialogue Checklist

  1. What is my true purpose for wanting this conversation?
  2. How would I describe our current work relationship?
  3. How would I like to us improve it? Why is this important to me?
  4. Am I willing to really listen to this person, with an open mind?
  5. How am I curious about this person’s ideas and their experience of the work? The experience of working with me?
  6. On a scale of one to ten, how much do I trust this person at this time?
  7. On a scale of one to ten, how much can this person trust me?
  8. What do I need to share with them about me that could improve our work relationship? What am I willing to share about me as a person?
  9. Am I as open to being influenced by what they say as I am interested in persuading them?
  10. What else do I need to plan in order to make this a effective conversation?
    Timing? Neutral, mutually agreeable setting? Anything else?

Published on Sunday February 22, 2009 in Emotional Intelligence at Work. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , , .