Is Anger a Lemon?

In any specific situation, an angry response is a product of a person’s current interpretations and feelings. Also, a tendency to interpret negatively and react with anger becomes a habit over time.  In addition to having the skills and tools  of anger management–the “I” messages, expressing feelings, needs and requests, etc., there are two other essential ingredients.

The first one is awareness–the realization that you may have that habit of interpreting negatively and acting with anger–maybe to specific triggers or under certain circumstances. In this way, your angry response can become a clue to better understanding yourself–the first principle of emotional intelligence. Being aware includes the ability to “catch” yourself reacting in the anger habit pattern when it happens. It also includes being willing to see the pattern upon reflection or consider it if someone mentions it.

The second missing ingredient is the other person.  In addition to expressing our own feelings, interpretations and requests, it is important, if appropriate, to check out your negative interpretation by asking the other if it is accurate.  And to be curious about what their side of the interaction.  This enhances your social intelligence as well as your emotional intelligence.  It goes beyond empathy to becoming truly interactive.  It is important to understand the biological gift of anger and use it for better relationships as well as for survival–or as I read on a Linked In comment from Consultant Jeff Furman–Channel the anger “lemon” into “lemonade”the way Jon Stewart does on The Daily Show!