A while back, a company brought me in to facilitate a dialogue. They were very concerned about a conflict that had been brewing literally for several years. It finally reached a peak and could no longer be ignored. It was not going to go away. It was only getting worse.
So I worked with the sponsor and the committee to clarify the issue, the needs and the goals. My strategy for guiding clients through conflict to cooperation combines self-reflection (the waking up element), skills development as well as the actual conversation(s).
I met separately with each group. The students on one hand and the staff and faculty on the other. During the periods of self-reflection, it became clear to the students that although they were said they wanted dialogue, deep down inside they wanted to win—to “nail” the faculty and staff by blaming them and showing them how “wrong” they were.
The faculty and staff also had a chance to privately uncover their own “deeply hidden agendas.” They realized that one of the reasons they had put off the conversation for so long was because they were afraid they would be “attacked” by the students. They were afraid of being labeled and ostracized as prejudiced and bad.
Both sides were asking for dialogue. Both sides had been preparing for verbal war. They realized they needed true dialogue. What they were initially planning for, unconsciously, was a fierce debate.
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